Bar Attack

So...I started my Bar course today. Wow. I knew it was going to be work, I just didn't expect the amount of work. It is like being hit with a crowbar, I am so nervous about the never-ending readings, the fact that every handout, every piece of paper is examinable, that we are supposed to know the salient details of thousands & thousands of pieces of paper. I'm not ready for this--it's too much! I haven't prepared myself sufficiently.

On top of it all, I feel myself getting sick. I would like to go to bed early but sunlight is still beaming strong between the window slats. For all practical purposes, it's summer & that means the sun doesn't set until 10 PM or later.

Ugh.

Thanks, BP oil!

Found in the window of a New Orleans bakery. Now that "top kill" efforts have failed, BP oil execs are projecting that it may be August before the gushing oil is plugged with something. Does anyone else feel like it is the end of days?

"Law school has a way of sometimes sapping the curiosity right out of someone."

I read that sentence here and what a relief! I thought this phenomena--of reading about something or hearing it on the news & having absolutely no interest in finding out more--was my own private shame. The author of the linked post is referencing a particular feminist author she studied in law school but I think this lack-of-curiosity can translate more broadly.

What kept me from being more curious? Maybe it was the fact that I was taking multiple courses each term. Month after month, it was all I could do to keep up with readings, researching topics, completing little assignments, writing drafts of major term papers etc. When a news item came up in a facebook thread or in discussions with friends, I just wasn't that interested in following up to learn more about that specific topic, even if it interested me. But what kind of lawyer will I be if I don't have a nuanced grasp on the issues which might possibly face me & my colleagues? And what kind of citizen am I if I don't understand important parliamentary procedures? So far, it's pretty much been background noise in my student-life. And my student life is not over--I start my Bar courses on Monday. Maybe I will continue to stick to the extracurricular topics that most interest me: feminism, American politics, cooking & fashion & drown out the rest.

But, now that I've moved on from law school & after I finish the Bar, I should expand my interests. There must be room in my life for more topics of interest. To make it easier on myself, I've decided to follow a few Canadian legal blogs & research the stuff that pops up in twitter feeds & facebook threads. By expanding my interests & follow up on stories I've heard, I hope I can become more well-rounded--both as a lawyer & as a citizen. And as a kick-ass person.

The Daily Squishy

With flower. 20 months.

Paddle Hard!

I had my convocation ceremony yesterday. All morning long, before the ceremony, I had a sinking feeling that something bad would happen. But that's just nerves, right? What can actually go wrong at a simple convocation ceremony? They call your name, shake your hand & then you sit down all graduated-like.


"Demon" Montgomery. That is how I was announced as I stood to take my place on stage for all to see. Demon! As in Satan's minion. My face got hot & my hands flushed & I felt like a politician in the midst of a sex scandal--outed & humiliated in front of everyone.

And I immediately had to pretend that I was fine with it. That my one moment of recognition after three years of work & toil & more work wasn't that important to me. That I didn't really, really want to hear my name--my legal name--read out in association with my degree. I had to pretend I was in on the joke. I mean, I have a strange name, I get it. I have a nickname that is pronounced differently than my legal name. But there was something about hearing my name with the correct pronunciation that meant a lot to me. It meant I was more than the sum of my weird hippie-dippy name. It was a part of me being taken seriously by my community as a law grad & future lawyer. I did care. A lot. And it broke my heart. There were people in that audience who never liked me & my brash, outspoken persona. I had a few enemies & I was acutely aware that they were there to witness me being brought down a few pegs.

That was yesterday. Since then, I've been thinking about all the wonderful, talented, fantastic people in my life who have suffered far worse humiliation & set backs than I. And by far worse, I mean light-years beyond a botched name announcement. The loss of a much-desired child--not once, but three times , the sting & uncertainty of a humiliating D.U.I., a cherished spouse lost to addiction. In each instance, their example to me has been this: they revel in the horror of it all for a short while, letting themselves truly feel it. Then they get up, dust themselves off & keep living. In doing so, they prove to themselves & to me that they are made of tougher stuff & mere humiliation, set back, loss & heartbreak cannot bind them forever. My friends & family have resilience. It comforted me then & I borrowed it from them today, in my small dilemma. So, moving on.

Coming to law school is like a novice learning to row. Over the years, you get the materials to build your rowboat. Then, you learn some rowing techniques. Finally, when you graduate, they give you a paddle. This is your chance to show your stuff. And so, I am paddling as hard as I can away from law school & any & all bad memories & towards my future.

The Daily Squishy

Twenty-month old Squishy with Mommy. Squashy is still in the oven.

Wow!

My mother-in-law just gave me this.

Monster's Parents Visit

If I am light on posting, it is because we are awaiting the arrival of Monster's mom & dad. They are here for five days & we have a lot of activities planned during that time.

Lost Series Finale Tonight

I started watching Lost three episodes into its first season, in 2004. I loved this show--saw every episode--and contemplated the mysteries of The Island for six years. This season, my love has waned. Lost has disappointed me too many times: with its unresolved mysteries & plot holes and most of all because a show that originally included a diverse cast has come down to The Battle of The White Dudes.

How my feelings for this show have changed can be summed up in this hilarious & brilliant rant from feministe:


SADY: But I say unto you, Jill, it is not given to us to question the Assumption of Jack into godhood; Jack hath been selected from among us by The Writers, who do not giveth a fuck that he be the most loathed of all their creation. For the viewership did cry out to The Writers, “Kill him! Let his blood be shed on the ground!” And The Writers said, “No.” And the viewers did cry out, “we prefer Hurley! Let him be chosen to lead us!” And the writers said, “No.” And the viewers said, “You have brought among us great suffering; you have slain our women, and cast out from among us the people of color, exploding and/or drowning three in one episode, for which we have not ceased our mourning; your only gay character hath been a villain, who hath not even been in that many episodes; you have suffered smoke monsters, and fire, and sea, and Ana-Lucia, to lay waste to those we loved. And yet among us, Jack is still standing, though we have cried out unto you he is a douche. Why must this be so? Why is Jack chosen from among us to be the Messiah?” And The Writers said, “lo, he is a white dude. And those ALWAYS have to be the heroes, silly!” And the viewers did lose their faith in this show.

Whitewater Rafting on the Green River

Monkeyin' Around in the Whistler Trees

We came to Whistler looking for fun, challenging things to do. Today, a three & a half hour tree top obstacle course was our mission. It started out relatively easy with climbing & zip-lining short distances. The course steadily got At first, I wasn't sure we (I) could complete the "expert" level part of the course. It involved various balls, logs & pulleys set up eighty feet above ground. Strapped into our harnesses (which we secured ourselves to various cables)

Lost Lagoon & Stopping to Remember

Today was Monster's second day of vacation & we celebrated by sleeping in, puttering around our apartment & then walking to Nando's Restaurant for lunch. Nando's was my favorite restaurant when I lived in South Africa & the food is still delicious. Whenever we go there, it brings back happy memories of good friends & spicy fries.

We ate, then took a walk over to the West End. Arriving at English Bay, we turned on Denman. It was then that I saw a sunny street lined with trees & flowering scrubs. "I've never gone gone that way before," I told Monster. So, we explored.

We discovered that this grassy, leafy lane filled with older-but-well-maintained apartments led directly to Stanley Park's Lost Lagoon. There, we came upon an empty park bench abutting the lagoon. For the next half-hour or so, we watched the swans, ducks, geese & seagalls as they flitted & floated in the water. It was a sunny day & we held hands as we silently watched the graceful wildlife before us.

Life in the city moves so fast, my career is demanding, there is so much on the internet & T.V. to process. And then there are moments like today at the lagoon, when times seems to slow. During these slow times, the fantastic reality of my life sinks in: the person I married makes me laugh everyday, the city I live in is dynamic, peaceful, gorgeous, my family is close & I am a real part of their lives, I have challenging work ahead & the support I need to succeed in it.

During these times of quiet, I can take time to absorb, to be grateful for how much I have, to appreciate the people who love me & make my life worthwhile.

Vacation Again!

Monster is off from work for the next two weeks, in which time we will be kayaking, going to Whistler for three days (& engaging in a obstacle course set up in the trees!) & then hosting his parents who are here for my graduation ceremony next Thursday.

I don't know how much I'll be blogging during that time. Hopefully, I'll pop in from time to time to post pictures & whatnot.

On Worth

I read an article the other day about negotiating salary increases. After reading it, I thought, "F--k. I have never done that." I have never negotiated salary: not when I was babysitting (I don't think I ever even asked for minimum wage or had the thought cross my mind), not in my first few hourly jobs. I took what I was given & was grateful. Full stop.

Even when discussing salary for my current position, I had the embarrassment of low-balling myself. My interviewer told me, after I named my desired yearly salary, that they were actually offering $25,000 above that. With years of experience in the legal field & two degrees, why did I think so little of myself as a worker?

Why do I do this? Why don't I have a higher sense of my own worth? I work really hard & fully devote myself to my work. I love the satisfaction & challenge of work. Why then do I have no legitimate expectations when it comes to my salary? Part of it is fear of rejection during negotiation. Part of it, I'm sure, has to do with being a woman in a patriarchal environment. Men are told to go for it--ask. Assertion & self-confidence = strength. Women are told to be polite. Some women are called-out as too aggressive or domineering when they ask for a raise or promotion.

I don't want to just passively take what is given to me. I want to fight for my value & worth. But I am still sorting through layers of psyche when it comes to being assertive for myself. And I don't even know where to start.

Products I Love--Vitamin C Micro Refiner

This past weekend, while shopping in Whistler with my friends, I came across a great promotion at The Body Shop: five products for the price of three. While I usually only buy body butter from The Body Shop, this time I was determined to make the most of the five for three deal & seek out new products.

And that is how I came upon the most amazing scrub I have ever tried. The first thing I noticed about the micro refiner was the subtle orange smell. It had the consistency of a thick cream & was saturated with super-fine scrubbing particles that didn't dissolve in water but stayed put until you decided to rinse them away.

When I first applied this to my face, I was expecting a tingle or sting but instead, it just felt slightly uncomfortable, like when you scrub your skin with something hard. It was comfortable on my face, but at the same time, I could feel that it was removing dead layers of skin (it might be too harsh for sensitive skin).

Then, I tried it on my knees. Using just a dab, I was surprised to notice the thick skin lightening substantially as I scrubbed. On my legs & ankles, the same thing--a subtle lightening as layers of dead skin were gone in moments. When I got out of the shower & moisturized, my skin felt better to the touch than I could ever remember. It was soft & smooth & my face looked really refreshed. The clogged pores on my nose were cleaner and smoother. My overall complexion seemed brighter. I know I would be overstating it to say this scrub was like a revelation but...this scrub was like a revelation! I couldn't believe something that worked so well could be produced for the masses!

Not that it is cheap. The regular retail price is $22. But since you can use a very little bit for big results, it is worth it for someone like me with aging & uneven skin who doesn't want to spend the money on professional microdermabrasion just yet.

Off To Whistler

Tonight, I am heading to Whistler with some friends from law school. We are going to grill out, sleep, drink & explore Whistler's shops & eateries. This has been a really fantastic week--I have finally relaxed & eased into life after law school. Last night, Monster & I went out for Ethiopian food with a friend from my firm. The food was delicious & spicy & eaten with hands--perfect!

In other news, the worst case scenario of the Gulf Oil spill is that the seafloor will give way, causing an "earth extinction event." Fun times! So if I don't see you again, it's been a really great four years of blogging. I've loved keeping track of my life this way.

Stay-cation

Monster has had a few days off work & we've been exploring the city. Both yesterday & today, we took a random walk that ended up lasting two hours, during which time we explored favorite parts of the city. It's hard to pick an absolute favorite, as Vancouver is just so beautiful. We also went some new places. It's amazing that I'm seeing a lot of new things, considering I've lived here for nearly three years.

Here is Monster & me, respectively, on the seawall after eating breakfast at a little Italian coffee place yesterday.

































Later that day, we watched Iron Man 2, then walked down to The West End & down to Stanley Park. We turned right at Stanley Park (taking a left brings you into the Park) & walked along a bike/jog path near the water in Coral Harbour. Here is a view of the North Shore:















When walking by the convention center, we spotted this giant Lego-like orca:




















This morning, we took the sea bus over to Granville Island. For breakfast, I had a giant spicy sausage from one of the vendors and Monster ordered eggs, hash browns & toast from one of the little kioks overlooking False Creek. We explored the farmer's market for awhile, then took a walk on False Creek for two hours, admiring the architecture of the townhouses & condos we saw along the way, planning doggy-routes for our very-much longed for pet & talking about our future. Exhausted, when we got back home, we both collapsed into two-hour naps, then woke up & got burgers. It was so much fun & I am so feeling like a teenager right now!

It's Kagan!

It is not a great surprise to any U.S. Court Watcher that President Obama selected Elana Kagan as his nominee for the Stevens vacancy on the Supreme Court.


Prior to her current position as U.S. Solicitor General, Kagan served as the Dean at Harvard Law & earlier, as a law professor at the University of Chicago. She has never been a judge.


I have three thoughts on this. Ok, maybe four:

1) I am disappointed Obama did not go with a clear ideological liberal like Diane Wood. While Republican presidents tend to choose unwavering conservatives for SCOTUS, Democratic presidents prefer middle-of-the-road nominees. This phenomena can work to sway the Court even further to the Right.

2) Kagan's nomination is yet another indication that President Obama is a moderate. If you look at his actions during the course of his presidency, it is clear that he is most definitely not the most socialist, liberal, radical Prez ever. In fact, his stance on equality, disarmament, executive power, etc, is uncannily ideologically aligned with Reagan--a Republican. Kagan is a strong believer in expanding executive power & this surely appeals to Obama.

3) It doesn't concern me that Kagan has never been a judge before. In the past, many non-judges were nominated to the Supreme Court & performed competency. I think, so long as a nominee has a legal education, it is not necessary to have past experience as a judge--although, hopefully, such experience would give us greater insight into her political leanings.

3) Kagan has written arguments in favour of curtailing certain Constitutional freedoms. She proposes that the First Amendment, for instance, be modified to reflect the nation's values on "moral" speech. Now, we already have this balancing of constitutional rights in Canada through Section 1 of The Charter. Canada's Section 1 guarantees all enumerated constitutional rights provided that these freedoms are subject "to such reasonable limits prescribed by law as can be demonstrably justified in a free and democratic society." This balancing has worked pretty well in Canada, in my opinion. However, I note that the Constitution of the United States sets out no such limitations. Tacking them on through judicial review is problematic to me. It would be a clear case of The Court stepping into a legislative role. It would be judicial activism at its worst.


I imagine that any Obama nominee will face a tough Senate hearing, as I have noted in other blog posts. However, Kagan is pretty well regarded by most Republican & Democratic Senators alike. Unless she really blows it, she will most likely be confirmed by the end of the summer.

Lawyering-While-Female.

I read this a minute ago at Southern Female Lawyer. It's about a lawyer's struggle to be taken seriously at the firm when lawyering-while-female. Her post is about how hard it is for her when her colleagues don't take her work seriously & objectify her. She laments that the world hasn't substantially changed its sexist viewpoint & the difficulties this creates.

After reading her post, I had to reflect on my own experiences. My first year of law school, the sexism was pretty blatant coming from some of my male classmates. However, 5 out of 6 of our first year professors were women, and some were active feminists in the community. The Dean of our law school is an out lesbian, as was the Associate Dean. There was a weekly feminist speaker series where a variety of issues affecting a diversity of women were discussed in detail. I also noticed that most of our school's competitive moot teams & team coaches were women. In short, I was surrounded by a lot of strong woman in law school.

In the fall, I will be joining a boutique firm. Most of the lawyers are male. However, they seem to be progressive, liberal men. I feel comfortable with them. They don't appear to be the type who would objectify me or give me the less interesting work. But I have to wonder: this firm has been around for more than thirty years. Where are the women? My graduating class is more than half women. Why are there so few women in the higher rankings of law firms? Where are the women partners?

When Chief Justice McLachlin came to speak at our school in February, I asked her how to assert yourself in a mostly male law firm. She seemed kind of annoyed to have to broach the topic but her answer was to be the best, to work harder, to ignore the taunts and show, by your work, that you deserve promotion. Afterwards, I was discussing this exchange with another law student. She agreed with the Chief Justice. Women, by being the best at what they do, can overcome the hurdles thrown up in front of them.

But what, I wondered, about the mediocre women lawyers? Why can't women lawyers just be average? After all, there are lots of run-of-the-mill male lawyers who work their way to the top, why should it be any different for women? I think there will only be true equality between the genders when women are allowed to have average competence in their field.

Summer Recipe--Fennel Salad

I love fennel. I have the seeds in my spice cupboard & sometimes I shake a few out & chew on them. Licorice goodness! Today was a really hot, summery day & I didn't want to spend a lot of time in a hot kitchen, so I make fennel salad & ground beef tacos. The fennel salad had a nice crunch & was an easy, healthy side dish. Also, it was very quick to make.

* 1 large fennel bulb
* Zest and juice from 1 lemon (I used half a lemon/half a lime)
* 3 tablespoons chopped raw walnuts
* olive oil, to taste
* Seasalt and freshly ground pepper to season


Directions

1. Cut the shoots from the fennel and discard, reserving a good handful of green fronds.
2. Chop these & toss them into a bowl. Peel the fennel bulbs, halve, core, and slice paper-thin. Add to the bowl.
3. Grate the zests over the fennel. Squeeze juice over, to taste.
4. Add the walnuts.
5. Drizzle over oil, to taste.
6. Season with salt & pepper.
7. Toss, taste & adjust the seasonings.

The Next SCOTUS Justice--Diane Wood?

This is 7th U.S. Circuit Court Judge Diane Wood. She is from Chicago (like me! And my mom! And the First Lady!) and today she is being interviewed by President Obama for Justice Stevens' opening on the Supreme Court.


Wood is a former law professor at the University of Chicago and served on the the Federal Court of Appeals since her 1995 nomination by President Bill Clinton. I like her a lot.

Here is why.

She is a woman. Not that I think any woman on the bench will be sensitive to gender issues (see: Sarah Palin) but, if she were chosen for the Court, she would be the only other woman on it besides Ruth Bater Ginsburg (who has had recent health issues). This would give the Court another female. Having lived as a female for 59 years can be a valuable asset to a Court which often decides on very gendered issues (abortion, equal pay). The current ratio of men to women is 1-8. So, room for improvement there.

Another reason I like her is that someone I admire very, very much likes her. Judge Wood is in a political category rarely chosen for the Court by past Presidents--a true liberal. She is a persuasive force with conservative jurists and has swayed the Circuit Court to her views many times in the past. This tenacity & charm shows that she can not only interpret the law fairly but also create commonality with her fellow judges. She is pro-choice, pro civil liberties, is protective of the Establishment Clause and comes across as very likable to others.

Win, win, win.

I acknowledge that, should be become the President's candidate for the Court, it will be a challenge to get her confirmed by the Senate. However, the Republican members of the Senate have already vowed to fight any of Obama's nominees, so tactically, it won't matter if that nominee is a bona fide progressive or not. Win!

Candlelight Yoga

I am not a yoga person.






In the four times I had attempted yoga before last night, I never enjoyed it. It was too fast, too hard, it made me dizzy. I loved pilates but not yoga. Never yoga.

But last night I couldn't resist attending a class called "candlelight yoga." So, I gave yoga another shot. Starting at 8:45 PM, the candles were lit, each of us students got a blanket, a small cushion, a larger cushion and, of course, our mats. We lay on our mats & slowly, our instructor brought us through stretches. And I could do them!

No pose was too hard for me this time & I enjoyed the challenge of connecting to my breathing & being aware of my body. I tried to banish all other thoughts, worries, hopes, goals and concerns and focus on my body: how it felt to breathe deeply, what parts were stretching, what parts were static. It was then that I realized I had never made time to just be. I studied, I planned, I worked. But I never thought of myself as a being that could be celebrated for existing. Existing--being--never entered into my thoughts.

But in that quiet, tranquil, peaceful space I had nothing to do but think about how it felt to breathe. And it was utterly serene. I relaxed. At the end of our session, we had ten minutes to snuggle under our cozy blankets & breathe. The windows were open, the night breeze came in, the candles flickered and danced.


I will be coming back.

Stanley Park

Today, Monster & I took a four hour bike ride around Stanley Park. We were lucky to get out when we did, it was gorgeous. Now that we're home, it has started to rain. In fact, it's raining so hard that it's coming down sideways. Nice to see it from my bedroom window, not so nice to be in it. Especially considering that we forgot to bring umbrellas with us. (Who forgets umbrellas a necessity like umbrellas in Vancouver? Only me.) The biking gave us such a good workout & we got to travel through a pretty gorgeous part of our city. And the best part? We walked to Stanley Park & back--no transit needed.





Here is Monster in front of the library on our way out this morning.











The view from the seawall.








This is close to where we had lunch, on Second Beach.














At this point, we decide to cut into the interior of the park. The forest smelled so mossy & fresh and, this being a Tuesday, there was hardly anyone else on the trails.

Serenity Now

Here is my pilates studio in Yaletown.








It is surrounded in candles & Buddhas, with green leafy trees just outside the third story windows. In a word, zen.

I had my first pilates class in a long time today & signed up for a month of yoga, pilates & dance. It's just fantastic to walk the five blocks to the studio with my mat under my arm. Just another part of learning to enjoy not being a student.

Reading & Napping

This is me & a book from my latest haul from the library. "Her Way" is a biography of Hillary Clinton & her accomplishments & ambitions. I love reading about powerful people, putting the human flesh on their public persona. It gives me insight into what philosophies make successful people successful & comforts me with their frailties.


I have been reading for pleasure every day. It took me awhile to catch on to the fact that there is life after law school. At first, I went through a mini-crisis: what would I do all day? When I was out, I felt guilty for shopping, but when I was home, the fact I wasn't accomplishing anything nagged at me.

But today, nearly a week after I wrote my last exam, I am at peace. I have filled my days with long morning workouts, cooking elaborate dinners and trips to the library (we live literally a block from the huge downtown Vancouver library). When I go to the library, I usually pull out 3-5 books that interest me & return them all a few days later (only reading the ones that pulled me in the most) to get a bunch more. So decadent!

Also, and this is huge for me, I'm napping. Napping! I haven't napped in years (at last since first year law.) Lawd knows I have tried--over and over--but never managed more than a dreamy half-awake state, which I could only maintain for ten minutes or less. A very unsatisfactory state of being, but I accepted my non-napping fate. Until last Tuesday. I wrote my final exam, went out for drinks & lunch with Monster & a classmate to celebrate, then came home...and napped for an hour. I woke up giddy that I could accomplish such a feat but figured it was a one-off...until I started napping every day. What a wonderful graduation gift my body has given me!

Of course, this napping situation is very temporary as I begin my bar course in less than a month & then will begin work at my firm. But it sure is fun while it lasts!

Refreshed Hair Colour--Check

I am so pleased with how much I got done today--early morning hair appointment (this is an old picture: I no longer have bangs, my hair is a bit longer but the colour is pretty similar). Then, home for cleaning & then a recipe-search (for spicy lemon baked chicken) and clean up some more. I went to the farmer's market and got a haul of fresh veggies, sausage & chicken. Now, with the chicken in a marinade, it's time for me. It's hard because I don't have responsibilities for the next month. I have to make my own schedule & stick to it--that's hard. It's much easier when other people control my schedule & my responsibilities. But, will power. And accomplishment will be mine.