"I Want to be the Next..."

I went to a networking function for those in my profession and met up with a friend who told me they have a new intern. The intern in question is going to law school this year. She asked this friend if she knew me and told this friend that she wanted to be the next "Me Mylastname." Apparently, I inspired her to go to law school. And no, I don't think I've met her but damn! That is the most flattering thing I can think of.

If only she knew how much it sucks to be me.

Work

Another day of legal research! I love my firm and the cases we take on are so interesting to me. But, maud help me, I hate legal research. It's not my thang. I sit there and I look stuff up and I think and write but it is not my passion. I am waiting and hoping for the day when I can do more substantial stuff.

The Daily Squishy -- 2nd Birthday Edition

Monster & I traveled to Vancouver Island this morning to be a part of my darling Squishy's second birthday. I was hesitant to interact too much with the Squishy at first, as I heard she sometimes felt overwhelmed by too much attention. Well, not this weekend. She was glorious! She made us laugh with her goofy, sweet, squishy faces, her knowledge of animal sounds and her ability to repeat everything we said--either immediately or much later.

It is wonderful to see this little girl develop a unique personality and it's fantastic to have more than a transient role in her life. I will be there for her as she leaves toddlerhood, enters her preschool years and then starts school. And so will five other aunts, as we each bring our own perspectives to her life.

I didn't take a picture of the Squashy on my camera, so I don't have one to upload with this post. She was so tiny, so little. And she reminded me of how fast babies grow, as the Squishy was that little in my very recent memory. And now she is walking around, talking and joking with us.

Baby Steps

Today was the first day I felt semi-competent at my firm. Six weeks in, people! Of course, due to my glorious Bar results, I can never feel real competency but I felt the next best thing today--dealing with real clients, writing letters, explaining law.

If only I could really know for sure that I will get to where I want to go, this year might be palatable to me. Even still, I am bonding with the people at my firm slowly. I would be a lot more confident and self-assured if I wasn't so, you know, boned.

The Daily Squishy

Almost two years old & already a big sister. She's delighted!

The Daily Squashy

About a week old.

I am So Much Stronger than I Thought

A few weeks ago, I looked out the window of my apartment onto the twinkling lights of the city and was filled with happiness. My life was good: everything was going so well. "Enjoy these moments while they last," I thought.

Well, I was right. I should enjoy such moments of happiness because my life is kind of horrible right now. I have passing the PLTC assignments -- OR ELSE -- hanging over my head. My days at work are so uncertain. Will they keep me, do they like me, what will happen next? And my relationship with my mother has taken a definite turn for the worse. And the scariest part is, I am really okay with that. I don't really want her in my life anymore.

So, all that to say, things are bad. I spent the day today reading through arbitration hearings on medical disability at work. A lot of the people detailed in the report had crippling emotional issues which overcame their work life for a period of time. So, why not me? How is it that I am dealing with all that I am dealing with and still find a reason to get up everyday?

I think it's because I have Monster, who is wonderful to me and fills my life with acceptance, security and love. But also, it's me. It's my own ability to rise above. People have told me for years that I am strong but I thought it was just one of those meaningless compliments we give each other in tough times. After all, no one really knows if someone else is strong, you just hope they are and want to give them the confidence to try. But today, I felt strong. I felt powerful enough to overcome the scary bad things happening in my life and rise above.

There is so much comfort in knowing that I can make it through the times when things get bad.

The (First Ever!) Daily Squashy

Charlotte Grace (The Squashy) was born September 7 in the early hours of dawn. I cannot wait to get to know you, Little Girl, and watch you discover the world.