On Sexual Relationships with Your Boss

Last night, David Letterman discussed an attempted extortion plot based on sexual relationships he has had with his employees. Now, I don't know what happened in Letterman's particular situation and I don't really have a comment on his sex-life, per se. But I have been in work situations in the past where the Big Boss (the top dude) has made sexual comments in my direction. In one situation, I endured the inappropriate comments for years while I worked my way through my undergrad. When I graduated, I quit. In another case, in my first week at work,the Big Boss pulled me into a room with him and shut the door. He only wanted to explain to me that I should like him, that he was a good guy, and not to listen to my co-workers who thought he was an asshole. I felt uncomfortable about this exchange and told H.R. But he was the Boss--what could they do? His name was on the building. I worked there another six months and then quit to start law school.

It is my opinion that in a relationship where the power disparity is so big--like in the case of me and my bosses & Letterman and his staff--that it is impossible to have a truly equal relationship with the person who could fire or promote you. No matter how many romantic feelings there are between the two, the extreme unequal power dynamic is always there. And, with the boss holding the real power, the other person may feel compelled to do things they are not comfortable doing, whether it be keeping the relationship quiet, exposing it, whatever. The decisions are made by the boss, both in and out of work.

Also, I think boss/employee relationships are uncomfortable for the non-intimate employees. Should they become aware of the relationship, it changes the dynamic of the team as a whole in a negative way.

The only boss/employee relationship I ever saw work out was the one where the employee quit her job as soon as the romantic interest developed. She became the girlfriend, and had an equal voice in a relationship that lasted for years. So, it can work, but there must be a way to equalize the power, otherwise it can never be truly consentual.