A few weeks ago, I looked out the window of my apartment onto the twinkling lights of the city and was filled with happiness. My life was good: everything was going so well. "Enjoy these moments while they last," I thought.
Well, I was right. I should enjoy such moments of happiness because my life is kind of horrible right now. I have passing the PLTC assignments -- OR ELSE -- hanging over my head. My days at work are so uncertain. Will they keep me, do they like me, what will happen next? And my relationship with my mother has taken a definite turn for the worse. And the scariest part is, I am really okay with that. I don't really want her in my life anymore.
So, all that to say, things are bad. I spent the day today reading through arbitration hearings on medical disability at work. A lot of the people detailed in the report had crippling emotional issues which overcame their work life for a period of time. So, why not me? How is it that I am dealing with all that I am dealing with and still find a reason to get up everyday?
I think it's because I have Monster, who is wonderful to me and fills my life with acceptance, security and love. But also, it's me. It's my own ability to rise above. People have told me for years that I am strong but I thought it was just one of those meaningless compliments we give each other in tough times. After all, no one really knows if someone else is strong, you just hope they are and want to give them the confidence to try. But today, I felt strong. I felt powerful enough to overcome the scary bad things happening in my life and rise above.
There is so much comfort in knowing that I can make it through the times when things get bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment