I came home sick from work this morning. As a consequence, I had an entire day without a single distraction from my own mind. That usually leads to nothing good. I have been contemplating my life & my choices. The conclusion I came to is...I think too much. I am too earnestly wondering if I am happy, if I made the right choices. It is all so labor-intensive and navel-y.
Individually, yes, I stand by my life's choices. In small doses, though, everything takes so much time & requires so much energy. And, after all my effort, I don't always win. I don't always have finesse, I don't always have the answer or check all the details as thoroughly as I should.
In the end, I decided to let it go. Let go of my ideas about what success should look like and instead focus on what it does look like. The truth is that these past years have looked very different from what I imagined. But there is no denying it-- I am already living my dream. It just looks a bit different, in the same way a postcard never captures the essence of a place.
1 comment:
I'm sorry to hear you were sick!
I've realized that if I made the life choices again, I might make some of them differently, but that doesn't matter, what matters is today.
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