A few months ago on feministing.com, I started to come across videos from this very funny and witty woman, Sarah Haskins. In her videos, "Target: Women" Sarah talks about the daily ritual objectification of women in Western culture. Many of the items she discusses, like the way yogurt is marketed solely to women, are things so subtle that they totally escaped my notice.
In this episode, Sarah approaches something I have always wrestled with: dinner. Even in my family of two, the idea of organizing, preparing for and creating interesting and delicious dishes every day is difficult. At this point, thankfully, I have gotten better at making new and interesting dishes, but still my repetroire is very limited: a fish dish, a noodle/hamburger dish, hamburgers or cheeseburgers, fajitas, coconut chicken curry (this is the one I am most proud of. Spicy, creamy and yummy!) Then start all over. A bit boring. And not to say Monster doesn't cook, he does, but his selection of dishes is just as limited as mine. Our trips to the grocery store are exercises in boredom as we end up buying the same stuff and making it in the same way. I don't want to eat frozen, already prepared meals all the time and I feel comfortable with the meals I know...and so groceries remain boring.
We both cannot imagine trying to organize and cook everyday for children, like many women do. Not only are children hungry a lot, they can be very picky eaters. I wouldn't feel comfortable supplying growing bodies with junk food, so I would want to cook fresh for them--the way my mother did for us. But see, she never had a job when I was growing up. She was home all day and made us healthy cookies and snacks. And she experimented with food...maybe a bit too much, but nonetheless, she was able to spend a lot of time thinking about and planning meals.
For me, the idea of working full time and then preparing dinner is just too much for my little brain. I think if I was a working mom, it wouldn't be long until I pulled out the frozen/fast food, growing bodies be damned. This is not the first time I have admitted to myself that I would not make a very good mom, but this dinner-prep issue goes way beyond me. It affects every home with children and working parents.
So, what's the solution? Even in our very egalitarian household, I seem to do more of the deciding, prepartng, organizing meals than my husband. I am the one trying to figure out how to expand our palates, searching online for new recipes, scanning the aisles at the grocery store. And my partner is not forcing me into it at all. It just...happened. I can imagine how it could "happen" all the more in two parent heterosexual homes where both adults work full time.
I mean, I just don't know how women are supposed to hold it all together: the economy forces many women to work full time no matter what their personal preference. Limited access to controception and abstinence-only education forces women into motherhood at earlier ages, before many have the maturity to handle such a large responsibility. Gender expectations are so deeply ingrained that even when both spouses want to rid themselves of them, somehow vestiges remain. Everyone suffers except the fast food chains.
I have no answers, just a confession that I haven't got it all figured out yet.
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